Am I the only person who imagines himself a lot? That sounds really vain and self-centered. What I mean is that I picture myself in a place that I will be at or might be at, and I do that a lot.
If I am imagining myself in a situation that I might be in or want to be in, I have an image in my head of myself. My mind is constantly running and my imagination is non-stop. I don't know what causes that. I don't know if that's normal. For me, it just is.
Lately, I am consistently picturing myself wearing a black hoodie. I don't know why but every time a situation comes up where I have to think about myself in a place I will be in, whether it be a date or a night out with friends, I'm wearing a black hoodie.
Not too long ago I couldn't stop thinking about myself having a little mohawk. I wanted to shave the sides of my head so badly but luckily that never really came close to happening. I have a real-life job, and I couldn't just get away with that and I knew that eventually I would look back in retrospect and realize it's not something I wanted either. It was more like a driving force that I couldn't control, telling me to do it. Hopefully not in the way that a dog told David Berkowitz to shoot people. My only crime would have been a bad haircut.
That's changed now. I don't think about the mohawk anymore. It's just a black hoodie. But why? I can only guess that it's because right now I don't want to be noticed. I want to hide my face and blend into the crowd. This isn't always the case with me and frankly it's the exact opposite of a mohawk. A mohawk says "look at me!" and a black hoodie says "don't look at me, I'm going to rob you."
Except my intention in my imagination isn't to rob people, scare people, or even necessarily fade into the darkness. I just want to be in my own world and I don't need anyone to pay attention to me. If I'm in my hoodie, you're welcome to join me in conversation. I'm not saying that I'm anti-social or anti-anything. It's just how I feel right now.
I play poker and you can usually find me in a hoodie. I don't think the hoodie gives me special powers or makes me anything special, and I don't wear it for strategy like some people wear sunglasses. I just feel more comfortable when I'm playing in my own world. Sometimes when I'm in a hand I'll throw half of the hoodie over my face and slowly breath into it. Not for strategy, not to hide anything from my opponent, but more just like a security blanket. And maybe I'm a little superstitious but most of that part of my thinking has evaporated as well. It's just that when I'm playing poker I'm doing it for myself, not for anybody else, so I'll happily live on this island alone.
I don't think that's much different than my picturing myself in a bar in a black hoodie. This is my island and I'm not here for anybody else. I've got my hood up, a beer in my hand, and I'm having just a fine time. I'm not anti-social and I'm probably the most approachable person in the bar because I find people interesting and fascinating and I love to engage in the exchanging of words. But I'm just as fine observing the others patrons here in my black hoodie. It may not be how I come off, but I'm not worried about how I come off; obviously.
By the way, I don't even own a black hoodie.
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