Failure #316: Stacie

Stacie moved here from the South and didn't know anybody.  She had transferred to my office in the same company, basically for similar reasons as to why I moved to LA.  Just needing to mix things up and try something different.

Growing up in one place was fine, but living there for my entire life was not going to be okay.  A pivotal part of life, I believe, is living in different part of the world.  If I am going to live another 50 years, and I don't really believe that I will, then I am more than 33% done and now I've lived significant parts of my life in 3 different environments.  Before too long, I'll have to move on from here too.

So we had that in common.

I knew what it was like for me moving to a new place and not knowing many people, so I was more than happy to take her under my wing and show where what I had found about LA.  What I liked, who I liked at the company, and who I didn't like.  And we got along great because we had similar senses of humor, life experiences, and opinions.  She seemed like a cool chick.

I gave her some movies to watch because she had none, I told her some places to check out, I gave her advice.  And I felt pretty good about that.  I wasn't doing it to get anything out of it.  Stacie is attractive in a way, but she's a couple years older than me, she paints her face on everyday, and she's spent too many hours in the tanning booth.

Basically, I wasn't doing this so I could bang Stacie.  I did it out of the kindness of my heart.

It was only a week or two before I invited her out for a drink.  We went out, had fun, got wasted, and hit it off.  She was starting to grow on me.  I definitely wanted to spend more time with this chick.

We hung out a couple of more times and explored the city together.  Even bought tickets to a Girl Talk concert that was a month in advance.  But it's not like she was the only one I invited to the concert.  I invited all of my friends, she was just the only one who said "Yes" and she was very excited to see Girl Talk, as was I.

Maybe a week later, maybe less, I was out with friends and got really drunk.  I mean, really really drunk.  We started drinking early in the afternoon and by early nightfall I was starting to cross over to the other side.  The side that any drinker knows about, but few remember what happens when they get there.

I remember the first phone call to Stacie.  She was bowling with some co-workers and I told her I was excited for the show.  She agreed.  I think I may have thrown her a few compliments like "you're great" but I don't think it was anything over the top.  It was harmless, I know that for sure.

I can say with 100% certainty that I had nothing more than perhaps a schoolboy crush on her.  Truthfully, even though she's only a couple years older than me, with her years of tanning, her gobs of make-up, and her badly treated hair, it was more like a "Mrs. Robinson" thing.

That sounds terrible and makes me sound like I'm taking shots at her because I'm bitter (I'm sure you see where this story is going) but it's the truth.  I just want to make it clear I wasn't overwhelmed with emotions for Stacie.  I will say that when she didn't put on a lot of make-up, she actually is quite attractive.  I'm not sure what drives some women to overdo it, especially when they've got naturally good looks. Maybe that was a sign I should have looked out for.

The rest of the night was blurry.  My friends and I got separated and we were staying at a hotel because we were in a city that was a good hour or so from where we live.  I remember bar hopping, then getting lost, then taking a taxi but having no idea where to tell him to go, stopping at a liquor store so I could go to an ATM to pay the taxi, then finding the hotel, and going to bed with the TV on and I remember making one more phone call to Stacie.

It was ridiculous.  I admit.  And I felt ashamed the next day.

I think I called her to try and say I was sorry and explain but no answer.  She just texted me back hours and hours later saying it was cool and not to worry.

At work I sent her an IM just to say "My bad, I really feel bad." again and she insisted not to worry about it.  That I just called 3 or 4 times but I didn't say anything bad.

I realized how creepy I potentially came off though and didn't call or text her much after that.  Just to show, "Look, I was drunk, I'm not stalking you, let's move on."

And that is the 100% honest truth.

The next weekend I just texted her "You still want to go to the concert?"  and her response was "Why?"

Not exactly the response I wanted.  It could have meant "Why wouldn't I?" but she left it vague.  Like this was an out or something she would be willing to grab.  She later said "yes, of course.  I'm just going to try and get some more people to go." and I said "the more the merrier."

Now it was become more clear that I did creep her the fuck out.  Oh well, just tell me now if you don't want to go to the concert.  I'm fine with that.  It will give me time to find someone else to go.  I bought the tickets (for which she had not paid me yet) and wanted to use them.

Another week passed and she said she had the money for the tickets and would drop it off.  I kind of wanted to see her just to get a read on her.  But she never showed up.  Days passed, then another two weeks and it's almost concert time.  I told her not to worry about it, she could pay me at the concert.

The day before the concert she leaves the money with the receptionist at work.  Uhh... okay.  She says she's trying to get her friend "Theo" to go.  Fine, whatever.  I really don't care I just dont want to go to a concert by myself.  And I want to show that I'm not a creep or a prick.

So now it's concert day.  I'm excited.  I tell her I can pick her up but she says to just meet me there.  She doesn't want to ride with me.  She doesn't say this, but it's obvious.  She had no problem riding places with me before the incident but she doesn't want to be alone with me after it.

3 PM and its 5 hours to show time.

"I don't think I'll be able to make it.  You can give my ticket to somebody else."

Sounds like she wasn't able to get Theo to be her bodyguard.

My first response was short because I was just pissed off.  "Okay"

Then a few minutes pass and I let my anger subside slightly and let it turn to an apology.  Something to the effect of "This is what happened.  I am really sorry.  I hope we can still be friends." but a little longer than that and with more explanation and trying to show I'm not a creep.  I'm actually a really nice guy.

It only took four weeks and several apologies for her to finally confess that indeed I creeped her out and that I left several messages that were "Passionate and overwhelming." and she wasn't comfortable to be around me.

Passionate and overwhelming.

I know what she meant by this and I understand why that sounds alarming to her.  I'm not going to lie though, my first reaction was to laugh.  I mean, how amazing is it that I got so drunk that I left "passionate and overwhelming" voice messages to someone that I wasn't passionate about?  I consider the possibility that the blacked out version of myself reached into the deep recesses of my mind for something that I didn't know was there, but in all likelihood I was just being a loving drunk.  A passionate and overwhelming drunk.

After it had set in a little bit more I decided to let passionate and overwhelming become a badge of honor for myself.  First of all, how much different are the two words?  If one is to be passionate, than one may overwhelm others with that.  Second of all, what's wrong with passion?  What kind of a girl wouldn't want a guy with a little passion!

Okay, probably one who had only hung out with a guy a few times and apparently left very passionate voicemails, but I still take it as a point of pride.  That's me: Passionate and Overwhelming and if you don't like it, nobody is asking you to buy it. 

I was still very upset and the reason I was upset was not because Stacie was creeped out and decided not to go.  The reason I was upset was because she lied to me for 3-4 weeks, treated me like a piece of scum, and decided only not to go when her bodyguard couldn't make it.  Have some fucking balls and say right away "I don't feel comfortable" especially when I give you several opportunities to do so. 

I apologize and feel stupid about coming off in the manner that I did, but I would have never done to anybody what she did to me.  Especially since Stacie is an alcoholic and has probably done the exact same thing I did.  If you want proof that I really am a nice guy and wouldn't do something like to my worst enemy (why am I going to a concert with my worst enemy?) how about this:

A few weeks after that there was a company related bus trip to a weekend event that would have over 100 people going.  Seeing as she didn't know many people still, I did NOT expect Stacie to be there.  My friend and I were sitting in the bus, just about to get going when sure as shit Stacie sits in the aisle ACROSS FROM US.  Like, literally, 3 feet away from us is this chick who I have not spoken to since that day and really had no interest in ever speaking to again.

(Oh, my response to her text about passionate and overwhelming was basically like, "I really had no idea.  I'm sorry, I didn't mean to creep you out.  That's not how I feel about you.  I honestly thought you were just becoming a cool friend.  I'll delete your phone number if that makes you feel better."  End of conversation.)

So there she sat, and I knew that she was uncomfortable and didn't know very many people.  I didn't feel comfortable either and we had an hour and a half on this bus.  So, did I move?  Did I make her more uncomfortable so she would move? 

Nope.  I said Hello and offered her a beer.  I made a peace offering.  I still thought Stacie wasn't a very nice or forgiving person, but I am a forgiving person.  And I cared more about whether or not she was uncomfortable than if I was uncomfortable.  And I did owe her that.  I owed her comfortability, because I did cross a line over the phone, even if I was drunk and whether I was joking around or not, I owed it to her.  So this put us both at peace, and I could wash my hands of the whole situation.

The rest of the day went pretty well.  Stacie, my friend, myself, and another co-worker hung out and had fun times.  That day was perfect just as it was and I thought maybe I could at least look less creepy in the eyes of this person. 

After that day, she tried to fuck my friend who was basically dating her only other friend at the company and it re-affirmed that she is a piece of shit.  And not somebody I would want to be friends with.  If she wanted to have friends in the city, she could have tried being a little more understanding about what I had done, but she chose not to do that.  I have no idea how many friends she has right now.  Maybe she has a ton, maybe she has more than me, maybe she has none.  Sure, life isn't measured in how many friends you have, but in the quality of that friend.

I would like to think I'm a quality friend and that I have quality friends.  She isn't, in my mind, much of a quality friend and will have a hard time making friends like that.  It's too bad, because she is a fun person.  Just needs to be more open and understanding and honest.  And probably not try to fuck over every friend you make.